Damnit Murica!!
I don't want to!!
Three cheers for getting this Three year old out of office!!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Orderly chaos
Ok.....so I was watching my favorite show on T.V. tonight, The Universe, I know...I'm pretty sad. But it got me thinking. Everything in our universe, everything thing that we know....is ordered chaos. I mean, space is one of the most violent, hazardous places to be, complete chaos. Yet....to our current knowledge it is still governed by the laws of physics. These laws make all of the matter in the universe behave in certain ways. For instance, since there has been life on earth said life experiences a MASS extinction every twenty-six million years. Ok, I realize there are no astrophysical laws that can explain such an occurence, in fact that has nothing to do with physics...but what can make an event that is so catastrophic that it eliminates like 90% of the life on earth.....on a schedule. Ok...scratch that, I guess the governing physics involving that is the release of energy when a mountain traveling 10,000 miles an hour smacks earth like a cue ball....yeah.....boom. So, the release of that energy is predictable....you collide two objects with that much mass and energy anything around it will be vaporized, that is easily explainable. But..who or what makes that extinction happen like clockwork?? That's not really easy to explain.
(Right now I would like to say that I know there are holes in saying that physics governs all objects....i.e. the physics that govern the planets and large objects don't always apply to subatomic particles and such, but that gets into Quantum physics....and I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. This is more philisophical than scientific, so if you try to argue about details here I will come to your house and thrash you mercilessly.)
I digress, so.....if you look at this pretty abstractly, the same thing that makes things happen in such an incomprehensible scale, like the formation of galaxies, birth and death of stars, also makes my life chaotic. Right???? I mean every time I have felt good about my life, felt that I had a direction or just being content with it, something completely grabs it by the ankles and shakes it up. It has ranged from everything from a divorce, randomly walking into a room, to a near death experience..but they all have things in common. One, I didn't see them coming, and two...they have shaken me to the core wondering where I'm going with life. It's getting to the point where I feel like it's my "life exercise," something has to happen to keep me from feeling like I know where I want my life to go, keep me on my toes. But....why?? Who doesn't want me to have this simple mundane life?? I know this sounds REALLY stupid, but I feel like there is something that I am supposed to achieve....something that I am supposed to do with my life that I haven't done yet.....but what in the hell is it?? I feel like since my father has died I have had the training wheels taken off of my bike. I start to go one direction...and someone pushes me back straight, until I start going another direction...and then I get pushed somewhere else. I have put myself in SO many positions that I could have easily died or lived that life for the rest of my life...and yet I come out smelling like a rose,(knocking on wood) or had that life yanked right out from under my feet. Why???? How can the last 6 years of my life be so chaotic....yet I'm starting to see order to it. The order is simply that I haven't done what I'm supposed to do yet.......and I'm being reminded of it...consistently. Ok, let me tie this together, it is easily explainable how a divorce or a near death experience can shake you up and make your life chaotic...but why does it keep happening?? Not so easy to explain. What is it God?? Why does this ordered chaos keep pushing me around?? I feel like I'm being pushed in circles...I wouldn't know if I'm going in a specific direction because I feel like I'm completely in the dark. So here is the question I am horrified to ask. What is it you want me to do??? I think I'm ready to hear it.
(Right now I would like to say that I know there are holes in saying that physics governs all objects....i.e. the physics that govern the planets and large objects don't always apply to subatomic particles and such, but that gets into Quantum physics....and I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. This is more philisophical than scientific, so if you try to argue about details here I will come to your house and thrash you mercilessly.)
I digress, so.....if you look at this pretty abstractly, the same thing that makes things happen in such an incomprehensible scale, like the formation of galaxies, birth and death of stars, also makes my life chaotic. Right???? I mean every time I have felt good about my life, felt that I had a direction or just being content with it, something completely grabs it by the ankles and shakes it up. It has ranged from everything from a divorce, randomly walking into a room, to a near death experience..but they all have things in common. One, I didn't see them coming, and two...they have shaken me to the core wondering where I'm going with life. It's getting to the point where I feel like it's my "life exercise," something has to happen to keep me from feeling like I know where I want my life to go, keep me on my toes. But....why?? Who doesn't want me to have this simple mundane life?? I know this sounds REALLY stupid, but I feel like there is something that I am supposed to achieve....something that I am supposed to do with my life that I haven't done yet.....but what in the hell is it?? I feel like since my father has died I have had the training wheels taken off of my bike. I start to go one direction...and someone pushes me back straight, until I start going another direction...and then I get pushed somewhere else. I have put myself in SO many positions that I could have easily died or lived that life for the rest of my life...and yet I come out smelling like a rose,(knocking on wood) or had that life yanked right out from under my feet. Why???? How can the last 6 years of my life be so chaotic....yet I'm starting to see order to it. The order is simply that I haven't done what I'm supposed to do yet.......and I'm being reminded of it...consistently. Ok, let me tie this together, it is easily explainable how a divorce or a near death experience can shake you up and make your life chaotic...but why does it keep happening?? Not so easy to explain. What is it God?? Why does this ordered chaos keep pushing me around?? I feel like I'm being pushed in circles...I wouldn't know if I'm going in a specific direction because I feel like I'm completely in the dark. So here is the question I am horrified to ask. What is it you want me to do??? I think I'm ready to hear it.
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